Album Reviews

Dr. and Mrs' J.C. Willke's double LP set "How to Teach Children The Wonder of Sex" is taken from a videotape of a lecture given by the couple to the faculty and staff of the University of Kentucky Medical Center back in 1966.

Based on the contents, I am certain that by the end of the decade Dr. and Mrs. Willke felt they'd failed in their mission, which they finally divulge at the end of side two of record one of their lecture where Dr. Willke concluded by saying "Perhaps you can help us raise socially retarded teenagers so they will marry happy."

I am not making that up.

Sides one and two are not really about teaching the "wonder of sex" to children. Rather they are a long moral harangue against everything bad in American society—and this is 1966 before the cultural shit hit the fan! No doubt Dr. and Mrs. Willke look back with a sense of "I told you so" and perhaps given the divorce rate (though the abortion rate has dropped over the past decade), they have a point.

But to hear these American crypto-Taliban, "going steady" is "morally dangerous," drive-ins (also known as "passion pits" to the Willkes) should be banned for high school kids unless the parents are in the back seat, boys and girls should be segregated until at least the 9th grade, no high school child should ever own a car, not because kids aren't yet responsible drivers, but because a car is "a motel on wheels."

The lecture begins with a discussion all based on the male perspective. Willke talks about reading a Look Magazine story about sexual attitudes in Scandanavia. A young woman is quoted in the story as saying "I won't marry a man unless I've had sex with him at least 50 times."

This leads Willke to first quip "Whew I don't know if I could keep up" followed by him commenting sarcastically "They have a more advanced attitude towards sex than we do." To which I said to myself, damn straight they do!

I was in Germany a few years ago and stopped at a highway gas station where sexually explicit magazines were on sale next to Der Spiegel and the regular magazines. The covers were not censored. Even I was a bit take aback but then I watched a family walk by the rack (no pun intended) and saw the pre-adolescent kid walk right by the bare breasts without so much as a glance, and head toward the video game magazines, while the older, post pubescent brother stopped in front of the bazooms for a better look. Yes, the Europeans definitely have a more advanced attitude towards sex.

The entire first and second side contain zero sex education advice and instead is focused on 1966's moral depravity, the premature socialization of boys and girls (anything before the 9th grade is a disaster according to Willke), and the evils of the Barbie Doll.

Side two must be from where Dana Carvey got his "church lady" character as Dr. Willkie or his wife (I can't remember which now) talks about that "busty, sexy little babe" Barbie and how a friend undressed her daughter's Barbie and was shocked by what she saw. When she couldn't find it among her possessions and asked her husband about it, he said "It's in my draw." Hah Hah.

Then follows a discussion of teased hear, permed hair, the evils of high heels, social dances and the like, with Dr. Willke providing a heated timeline where kids are pushed to touch each other in the 7th grade, then it's on to kissing games in the 9th grade and petting in the 10th! Oh no! Passion in the 11th and then (gasp!) occasional sex before the end of high school!

No high school kid should ever have a beer at home with mom and dad because out of the house, you know what's likely to happen: more drinking! Compare that to Europe where kids can drink wine at a relatively young age so that by the time they are of age, drinking is no big deal, to America where even now, kids get to college and become binge drinkers.

Willke's lecture should really be about fostering trust between children and parents along with guidance, but clearly based on record one his message is "you cannot and should not trust your children."

Willke's advice is to keep the kids segregated until they are "formed" and not selfish and self serving. At that point when they are thrust (again, no pun intended) into a gender integrated environment, they will not act selfishly and lust for sex, but will instead appreciate the fat, the skinny the stupid, and the ugly of the opposite sex before getting married and then first having sex.

In other words, the guy has it all back-asswards. At least that's my opinion.

Upon the conclusion of side two, that he had advised Todd Akin that rape doesn't lead to pregnancy because a woman's juices dry up and the body rejects the sperm became 100% believable. You could say "Well this record is from 1966 so cut him some slack," but obviously these folks still believe what they said back in 1966 and it's about to affect an election in 2012.

I'll let you know what's on sides 3 and 4 but I'm hoping Mrs. Willke does about a ten minute riff filled with noises, shrieking and music concrete called "#9", but I don't think so.